There is desire in each one of us to be wanted by someone else. A friend. Another person to mutually share you deepest thoughts, experience and memories. It’s truly wonderful. However, dealing with betrayal is not easy. Those who we thought were friends, failed us.
I seem to recall Paul’s experiences when dealing with this issue. He said, “You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes.” (2-Tim 1:15 NIV). What a raw deal. Serving others with full desire to help them and in the moment of need he found himself alone. We can see contrast of example in life of Job. Where friends came and grieved with him.
The truth is, in the moment of hardship and difficulty, the foundation of friendship is put on scale.
I must insert that in order to have friends, you yourself must be friendly and open to healthy compromise that can build a healthy friendly relationship.
How should we deal when that happens to us?
- Understand, not everyone sees friendship like you
We can fall under falls assumption that the other person has same expectation as you regrading friendship. That can lead to much hurt. You can consider a friends really close and be there for them always while the relationship is not mutual and they are with you because of loneliness, fun time and/or what you offer. The moment someone else can offer better they will move on. Be real with yourself and if that is what happens then perhaps that’s the cue to move on. Find those who you share the same expectation. It might not come right away but it’s better to wait then to regret. - They Are Still Humans
Regardless of who they are, they are still another human. Just like you, they are imperfect and don’t always make the best decisions. Every living human has, in minor or perhaps even major way, failed another human. And it’s important to allow yourself and others to commit that mistake. Yes, it’s not something that should be pursed, but its something that can happen to the best of us. Humans will fail one another but that doesn’t mean it was intentionally to hurt you. If it was then that is no friends specially if they don’t see anything wrong with it.
- Let This Be a Moment of Learning
Perhaps this is the time to recalculate (just like GPS). Time to look at what actually happen and realize what the friendship was based on. It could be that fault was o your side. Maybe this is the point to learn more about yourself. I personally think most, if not all, people don’t really know what they want or what kind of exceptions they have. Learn who you are and what is important to you in friendship. You might be surprised how selfish, prideful or even wrong your views were. It even could be that you relied on others to much for support that they could not offer. - Recall Others
Just like everyone else, you might of failed someone else in the past. Even though, you thought that you were a good friend to someone but the opposite was true. It’s hard to admit mistakes but it’s so important. In admitting and repenting them, that’s the only way to improve for the better. Possibly, this a good time to contact them and as forgiveness. It doesn’t mean you have to be friends again but being able to reconcile is healing process for both of you. Even James stated, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (5:16 NKJV). Also there could be that faithful friend who was there always; but, you never - But The Lord…
“At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me…” (2-Tim 4:16). I love the honest and solid response of Paul. “But the Lord…” was there in His faithfulness always to strength me. There have been countless of times that I bow my knee and, with praise and worship, simply thanked Him for being there always for me. Despite my imperfection and sinful nature. When we understand where is our source of strength and security is, our life transforms into peace and comfort. Spend more time with God in prayer and meditation on His word. Perchance, He is teaching you something through this in order to be more like Him in this broken and fallen world.
I hope this helped and encouraged you today. I acknowledge that fact that there are more that can be said on this topic and for a specific situation. Therefore, if there is something you would like me to elaborate on then please for to “ASK” tab.
Be blessed!
Alex Reznichenko
AR 